Nothing Crushes Us

The other day, I finally got around to watching the movie version of Bridge to Terebithia, based on the book written by Katherine Paterson. I don't exactly remember how old I was when I first read the story, but I can say that it has stayed with me in ways that are difficult to explain.

Looking inside the story is to look inside of me. Jess Aarons was a kid torn between two realities - the dreams and talents he was given, and the need to keep his head out of the clouds and his feet on the ground. In many ways, he was alone to face this dichotomy, although not so beaten down by self-doubt that he stopped striving to break free (after all, he was determined to win the playground race until Leslie Burke came along). Although some may play it off as puppy love, I tend to believe that some of the most profound and true friendships happen when you are 11 or 12 years old. Leslie brought out the best in Jess, giving him the room to start believing in himself and fully utilizing his gifts. Of course, 12 year-olds don't think like that. But when the world is young, and you are able to see the good in it, there is a feeling within that can only be described as contentment. Sure, there are bullies, but with a friend beside you, bullies don't look so big anymore. The story, of course, has a tragic ending. But at the same time, the story doesn't end tragically for Jess, because he is able to move forward without losing himself to despair.

There was a time in my life where my spirit was free and running the neighborhood with my best friend Brian. But when I was 11 and going into the 6th grade, I took an involuntary bite out of the apple from the Tree of Knowledge. And while circumstances ended up okay, I was never the same again. We moved, and I became deeply introspective and reserved. I sought my escape in books, writing some poetry, and wandering in the woods. Like in the story, I lived near some woods with a creek at its border. To get to the woods, I had to cross over the creek on a fallen tree. During the winter, the creek would be frozen over and you could walk for miles. It was my own world. Nobody really knew me, because unlike Jess, I never again had the kind of full-trust, bonded friendships like the ones I had before I turned 11.

Re-reading the book and watching the movie awakened emotions in me that I thought I had purged long ago. They are not happy emotions, but rather the kind that catches you in a sob that comes out of nowhere. It's amazing a story I first read 25 years ago can reach inside me so deeply and send me back to that time. All the doubts, the deep-seated loneliness, and even the anger - are they real, or are they merely reflections of a past that is long since gone? Or has the past become the present again?

My boys are still young enough to be free - I pray that their spirits will not be shunted by the personality failings of their father. It is a difficult world to grow up in - for that matter, it is a difficult world in which to be a grown-up. But as a closing thought, consider: In the final scene of the movie, Jess and his little sister cross the bridge Jess built into Terebithia. Over the bridge there is a crest with the following words hanging below: "Nothing Crushes Us."

Romans 8 tells us that in Christ, "we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." And so I press on, because in the face of all that life will throw at us, for the sake of my family and my own soul - I must believe. Nothing Crushes Us.

The World's Gone Nuts

It's a beautiful day, and the world is going stark, raving mad. I'm sitting here at Kids Space, giving my two boys a chance to enjoy the pleasant weather and get some energy out while I just try to silently, quietly detox from the world. Because, as I said, the world has lost its marbles.

I used to joke that I was an information "junkie." I'm sometimes obsessed with keeping up-to-date in current events, whether it's basic news, politics, sports - you name it. And with the internet always on, the options are endless. But the more I see of this incredible "information age" the more disillusioned I become. From the everyday slandering of the President and the military by alleged 'news' organizations to the sensationalist drama of Paris Hilton Goes to Jail and the like - I wonder, are there any grownups left out there? I swear it's almost like Jr. High. Our society and its institutions have a serious case of ADD/ADHD. I'll have more to say about that some other time. The bottom line is that in the face of an existential threat, people with no sense of history are declaring what is good evil and what is evil all our fault. This psychosis has only one ending - complete and utter detachment from reality. Because, after all, what really matters is whether Harry Potter lives or dies.

I'm reading the unabridged edition of Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe. What a remarkable and deeply spiritual book about the Providence of God! (And if you think it's just a 300-year old version of the TV Lost or Tom Hanks in Castaway, you've missed the entire story). There's a quote in this book that recently caught my attention:

How infinitely good the Providence is which has provided, in its government of mankind, such narrow bounds to his sight and knowledge of things; and though he walks in the midst of so many thousand dangers, the sight of which, if discovered to him, would distract his mind and sink his spirits, he is kept serene and calm by having the events of things hid from his eyes, and knowing nothing of the dangers which surround him.

I don't know if I can or should ease up on my "need to know" predilections. As a sinner, I've already succumbed to the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. But I do know this: out here at the park, it's a beautiful day.

Where to Begin ...

My adventures in blogging began over three years ago on a now defunct site, and promptly ended within about two months. I wanted to "blog with a purpose," to show that I could still write, communicate and otherwise convey something of the truth to others. However, whereas some can create to an audience of none, I'm the type that generally feeds off of the flow of conversation.

Here's the challenge I have with blogging: What should I say? I spend a small part of my day reading various blogs, mostly political and news blogs but occasionally those of friends and other people I know. I have those moments where I imagine myself being one of those bloggers that other people read. I guess that comes from my innate desire to be a writer/teacher. But the time commitment is unbelievable, and I find it challenging to "just say anything about everything."

Sometimes, I might have a personal story to share. Other times, I might have a parable or illustration to share. Ideally, I'd love to participate in a group blog not unlike what National Review Online has called The Corner. Just a group of people who are willing to conversationally exchange ideas, share links to timewasters like Mini Golf, and perhaps even some "iron sharpens iron" debate.

In the end, though, the written word is too important to me to sit here and post about every mundane moment of my day. I'm just not built to be that transparent, and I frankly don't have the time. I like to write with a purpose, for a purpose. I want to write not only about what might interest me, but what interests others. And therein lies the challenge.

Is this a new start? Who knows.