The other day, I finally got around to watching the movie version of Bridge to Terebithia, based on the book written by Katherine Paterson. I don't exactly remember how old I was when I first read the story, but I can say that it has stayed with me in ways that are difficult to explain.
Looking inside the story is to look inside of me. Jess Aarons was a kid torn between two realities - the dreams and talents he was given, and the need to keep his head out of the clouds and his feet on the ground. In many ways, he was alone to face this dichotomy, although not so beaten down by self-doubt that he stopped striving to break free (after all, he was determined to win the playground race until Leslie Burke came along). Although some may play it off as puppy love, I tend to believe that some of the most profound and true friendships happen when you are 11 or 12 years old. Leslie brought out the best in Jess, giving him the room to start believing in himself and fully utilizing his gifts. Of course, 12 year-olds don't think like that. But when the world is young, and you are able to see the good in it, there is a feeling within that can only be described as contentment. Sure, there are bullies, but with a friend beside you, bullies don't look so big anymore. The story, of course, has a tragic ending. But at the same time, the story doesn't end tragically for Jess, because he is able to move forward without losing himself to despair.
There was a time in my life where my spirit was free and running the neighborhood with my best friend Brian. But when I was 11 and going into the 6th grade, I took an involuntary bite out of the apple from the Tree of Knowledge. And while circumstances ended up okay, I was never the same again. We moved, and I became deeply introspective and reserved. I sought my escape in books, writing some poetry, and wandering in the woods. Like in the story, I lived near some woods with a creek at its border. To get to the woods, I had to cross over the creek on a fallen tree. During the winter, the creek would be frozen over and you could walk for miles. It was my own world. Nobody really knew me, because unlike Jess, I never again had the kind of full-trust, bonded friendships like the ones I had before I turned 11.
Re-reading the book and watching the movie awakened emotions in me that I thought I had purged long ago. They are not happy emotions, but rather the kind that catches you in a sob that comes out of nowhere. It's amazing a story I first read 25 years ago can reach inside me so deeply and send me back to that time. All the doubts, the deep-seated loneliness, and even the anger - are they real, or are they merely reflections of a past that is long since gone? Or has the past become the present again?
My boys are still young enough to be free - I pray that their spirits will not be shunted by the personality failings of their father. It is a difficult world to grow up in - for that matter, it is a difficult world in which to be a grown-up. But as a closing thought, consider: In the final scene of the movie, Jess and his little sister cross the bridge Jess built into Terebithia. Over the bridge there is a crest with the following words hanging below: "Nothing Crushes Us."
Romans 8 tells us that in Christ, "we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." And so I press on, because in the face of all that life will throw at us, for the sake of my family and my own soul - I must believe. Nothing Crushes Us.
