Back to a Reason

As the calendar turns to December, so begins the almost daily replay of my Trans-Siberian Orchestra album, The Lost Christmas Eve (2004). My kids love listening to it over and over, and so we do, constantly, on the drive into school each day. Truth be told, it is one of my favorite albums as well, although by January I'm usually ready to move on to something else. Nevertheless, this is a new Christmas season, and I am enjoying the experience of getting lost once again in the story.

The inside sleeve of the CD contains both lyrics and a story narration. This narration, not read on the CD, places each song in the context of the fable. The songs however transcend the story, and have the ability to trigger something within, awakening a deeper meaning than may have been originally intended. Indeed, that's how I often know when God is present, because He takes the creative combination of words and music to touch the soul. And He will often do so whether or not the composer is fully aware, though I'm certain at times they are.

Track 17, entitled "Back to a Reason, Part II," hits me more deeply than any other song on the album. I've linked the audio below. The lyrics, some of which I've reproduced here, are beautifully tragic yet redemptive. They speak to me of my own desperate need to find joy, to recapture whatever it is I may have lost, and to recover a childlike faith.

I'm looking for you
I'm looking for I don't know what
I can't see there anymore
And all my time's been taken

Is this what it seems?
The lure of a dream
And I'm afraid to walk back through that door
To find that I've awakened

The night seems to care
The dreams in the air
The snow's coming down
It beckons me dare

It whispers, it hopes
It holds and confides
And offers a bridge
Across these divides

The parts of my life
I've tried to forget
It's gathered each piece
And carefully kept

Somewhere in the dark
Beyond all the cold
There is a child
That's part of my soul

Got to get back to a reason
Got to get back to a reason I once knew
And this late in the seasons
One by one distractions fade from view
The only reason I have left is
You

The Christ child is a part of my soul, as even my own children are. But the child I seek, the one that most needs to be found, may very well be ... me.