Deterring Dilution

Every now and then, I come across an article or a post that bruises my ego in a manner that seems uniquely designed to puncture whatever inflated notion I have of myself as a man. Or at least, the standard that I hold in my mind of what a man should be able to do. I've touched on this topic before, in a post reflecting on the aims of education and honest know-how. Today, a simple post asking "Do you change your own oil?" plunged me into a cistern of doubt about the example I set and whether I am doing enough to provide my boys with the essential skills they will need when at last they are on their own. From the post:

My generation might be the last generation of such men. The generalist has since given way to the specialist. I had a student at the time whose dad was a highly paid hydrologist. To hear it from his son the dad apparently didn't know the business end of a pitchfork from the handle. During parent-teacher days I started to make the acquaintance of the generation of men just behind me. When I suggested home projects they could do with their sons, I usually got a comment that dad simply lacked the requisite skill, not to mention the tools. Apparently, the under fifty crowd is more prone to call a tradesman than to pick up a hammer.

I can see this at work in my own family, across three generations. My dad worked in a garage as a teenager, and through all of my growing-up years, he did almost all of the major fix-it work and maintenance on our car. While I would watch and occasionally assist, it generally wasn't enough to fully develop the skills - in the manner that working in a garage as a mechanic would afford. That said, by the time I left for college, my skills were proficient enough to handle oil and filter changes, spark plugs, timing and a handful of other maintenance requirements on my car. I would do this well after college and into married life, but somewhere along the way I, too, turned the general maintenance over to someone else. Part of it had to do with the regulations involving fluid disposal - when service centers started charging me for disposing oil, I guess I just quit bothering. What can I pass on to my boys? Well, they know how to change a tire, even though they have only done it once. Deepening my chagrin is the knowledge that at their age, I could take apart and reassemble my bike with ease. I haven't even managed to replace their bikes from the storm yet, much less showed them what they need in order to maintain them. It's on my list, like so many other things, and yet the weeks flow by ever so quickly. If I can't pass on basic bike maintenance, I have no hope of passing down basic car maintenance.

I've been wrestling with this lately, as I look at several of the issues we have with the new house that by right, I could make the builder come and correct. Yet part of me rejects the thought of calling the builder out to correct minor mistakes or issues, because frankly I should be able to fix them myself. I'm 42 years old, and there are so many things I just don't know how to do. And yet this is not an excuse for not learning how to do them, or passing that knowledge down to my sons. But I need to be intentional - intentional about learning "manual" skills (in whatever discipline they may be) and involving my children in the learning. And maybe pass on a life lesson or two in the process.

Of course, it all comes back to time and opportunity. That is, I need to make time and create the opportunity. I do spend a fair amount of time with my boys. But our time together should be about more than just entertainment. It should also include equipping. Sigh. I have work to do. In so many ways and in so many areas. But I suspect that the effort alone will be worthwhile.