Commander in Chief

I really have tried to be objective. I have tried to give the President the benefit of the doubt - as a person - despite the fact that I disagree with his priorities and approach relative to foreign and domestic policy.

But following the horrifying events at Ft. Hood this week, I watched his first public statement - when he finally got around to mentioning it - and came away questioning his sincerity. Today I learned that his schedule for the weekend has him in Camp David. He's the Commander in Chief. At least Constitutionally.

Contrast that with our former CiC:

Former President George W. Bush and his wife, Laura, visited wounded soldiers and their families near the site of the worst mass shooting on an Army post in the United States.

The Bushes made their private visit to Fort Hood's Darnall Army Medical Center on Friday night. Bush spokesman David Sherzer said in an e-mail that the couple thanked Fort Hood's military leaders and hospital staff for the "amazing care they are providing."

I'm sorry, but that is the action and compassion of a real Commander in Chief.

Almost Heaven ...

At this stage of life, I am far removed from the concept of retirement. But the photograph below looks to me nothing short of heaven. What I wouldn't give for that kind of serenity.

Photo Credit: Copyright 2008 by Cam H.

Good for Joe

As a long-suffering fan of the Chicago Cubs, my allegiances lie with the National League. I generally have no affinity for the American League, where they insist on playing the game with a designated hitter. Suffice it to say, I am not a Yankees fan, although I can easily admit that their dominance of the sport over the past 100 years is certainly worthy of respect. And in winning their 27th World Series championship last night, they got the job done with an ex-Cub at the helm.

I have long been a fan of Joe Girardi. Over a 15 year playing career that started with him behind the plate at Wrigley Field, Girardi was a steady force and a prototypical student of the game. He was not a dominating hitter, and he only made one All-Star team (2000, during his second stint with the Cubs). But he played the game with class, and thus far appears to be managing the game with class. He was a part of three Yankees championships as a player, and I'm glad to see him earn his 4th ring as their manager.

I'll never forget sitting down to watch the Cubs-Cardinals game one Saturday afternoon in 2002. I missed the pregame, but when I finally tuned in, the announcers were breaking the terrible news of the death of Darryl Kile. I was transfixed as Girardi, the Cubs player representative, took to a microphone at home plate to announce to the sold out crowd at Wrigley that the game was cancelled. I remember thinking at the time that the Cubs could not have had a better spokesperson at that moment in time - that having Girardi make the announcement (instead of a PA announcer) exhibited the right tenor for the moment. Girardi simply commanded that much respect from both players and fans.

Even last night, apparently Joe was in the right place at the right time to provide assistance to a motorist involved in an accident well after the game. Again, I'm not surprised, because that fits with the character he seems to have demonstrated time and again.

So, while I cannot cheer for yet another Yankees victory, I will say wholeheartedly, good for Joe. He's a class act, and I'm happy for him.

Cliff? What cliff?

Last month, I came across an article in the New York Times about the role of government in the marketplace. It briefly touches on the financial crisis that led to TARP and the so-called $787 billion "stimulus" bill. More directly, however, the author presents a view that highlights the dangers of politicizing the individual and major sectors of the economy. Fundamentally, the effect of inserting political influence over critical areas of the market (an effort that has been going on for several decades) by default creates additional "special interests" that because of their role in underpinning our financial and regulatory systems, must be "protected" at all costs, rather than allowing pure market forces to self-correct the issues. Much like the new hate crimes law, which adds special protections to certain classes of people, the over-involvement of government in our economy creates a privileged set of market sectors. From the Times (emphasis mine):

"President Dwight D. Eisenhower warned of the birth of a military-industrial complex. Today we have a financial-regulatory complex, and it has meant a consolidation of power and privilege. We’ve created a class of politically protected “too big to fail” institutions, and the current proposals for regulatory reform further cement this notion. Even more worrying, with so many explicit and implicit financial guarantees, we are courting a bigger financial crisis the next time something major goes wrong.

We should stop using political favors as a means of managing an economic sector. Unfortunately, though, recent experience with health care reform shows we are moving in the opposite direction and not heeding the basic lessons of the financial crisis. Finance and health care are two separate issues, of course, but in both cases we’re making the common mistake of digging in durable political protections for special interest groups."

By no means am I an expert on the economy, nor do I hold any particularly strong opinion on the level of regulation required to ensure that consumers and investors are protected from predatory institutions. I am, however, a firm believer in liberty and the right to buy, sell or use whatever product I choose, and to be able to make my own choices based on what I believe is the best value to me. When it comes to health care, I would highly prefer an a la carte solution so that I could pick and choose coverage benefits that make the most sense to me and my family. However, due to government regulation AND insurance provider restrictions, that will never come to pass. I do not want the government telling me what options I get to choose from, and neither do I think the government should dictate to insurance providers what "minimum standards" of coverage should be enforced. Otherwise, I end up with coverage I don't need at a price that can only be explained if the cost is actually intended to pay for somebody else's coverage. Which, of course, is precisely the intent of this proposed overhaul of health care. And, based on this breakdown of tax increases found inside the latest House bill, it means everybody is going to pay. (h/t: Hot Air)

So again, coming full circle, we have a stimulus that the administration claims has created or saved a million jobs, at a cost to the taxpayer that amounts to several hundred million dollars per job. How much do these jobs pay? Not that much, so where did the money really go? But we've been told that the institutions that received bailouts were "too big to fail" and that the gargantuan stimulus was necessary to save a million jobs. Why is it the government's responsibility to save or create any jobs in the first place? And that assumes any jobs were created in the first place, as even the AP and CBS question. Isn't it nice to know that our taxpayer dollars helped 129 people at a day care get raises?

The New York Times article closes with a final thought that I have no doubt will fall on deaf ears (emphasis mine):

"In short, we should return both the financial and medical sectors and, indeed, our entire economy to greater market discipline. We should move away from the general attitude of “too big to take a pay cut,” especially when the taxpayer is on the hook for the bill. If such changes sound daunting, it is a sign of how deep we have dug ourselves in. We haven’t yet learned from the banking crisis, and we’re still moving in the wrong direction pretty much across the board."

Eventually, everything is going to go bust, resulting most likely in even greater government control and influence over the markets. And we will quite possibly live to see it. I don't think even Alexander Hamilton would have gone quite this far.

But then again, I'm no expert. After all, America is "too big to fail," right? Follow the links; there's interesting stuff there.

Snap Circuits

I graduated from Auburn University with a degree in Electrical Engineering. But like all too many, I stopped doing pure engineering work years ago as I began climbing the proverbial corporate ladder. Sadly, I'm likely too far gone to get back into any serious engineering tasking that doesn't involve process and data analysis.

Yesterday was my oldest son's 10th birthday. My wife found an awesome gift that he latched onto immediately: Snap Circuits by Elenco. While the product fares pretty light in explaining the physics, just watching him dive into circuit "design" using these kid-friendly, but still discrete electrical components was enough to make me wonder if an educational tool like this could have aided even college students, at least in terms of general EE concepts for circuit design. It really is pretty nifty.

I may have to, uh, borrow the kit and bring it to work for, um, additional research. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Kyrie eleison

Like others who came of age in the 1980's, the first time I ever heard the term Kyrie eleison was courtesy the 1985 hit song by Mr. Mister. It was years later before I learned of its early Christian origins.

The human soul, in its fallen state, has an almost instinctive and desperate need for mercy. While many run from any such admission, is there a man or woman in this world who has not quietly cried out for relief, mercy or forgiveness? These mysterious Greek words, at least for me, tap something within me beyond what the English translation is able to reach. For while many at some point have called out to the Lord for mercy, a softly whispered Kyrie eleison conveys in me a mystical assurance that I've been heard. The words, of course, matter little compared to the posture of the heart. Nevertheless, the prayer remains potent.

Kyrie Eleison (Lord have Mercy)

Kyrie, hear this feeble prayer
As I seek to find my way
In a place drowning in the decibels of dread
Where the spirit languishes for peace
For ears to hear.

Kyrie eleison.

Kyrie, your Word is a song
On the lips of the living
And where the soul struggles for every breath
Live I in this world
Straining to hear.

Kyrie eleison.

Kyrie, I cannot last this way
Knowing what I know and
Failing to express the Truth that flickers within
For I am a sinner
In desperate need of You.

Kyrie eleison.

Exhausted in the Clutch

Every now and then, I'm reminded of a bumper-sticker style statement that often shows up on office novelty products. It says something like "Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part." Unfortunately, the bulk of my career has been spent proving the opposite. Hence the inspiration for the tagline of this blog.

I've been asking myself some tough questions lately. At their core are the nature of leadership and integrity. Integrity demands that regardless of the situation I'm handed, I must put forth the effort to deliver the best solution I possibly can, because mediocrity should be avoided. Leadership - and yes, you can "lead" even from behind the elephant - leadership demands that I limit the external display of disgruntlement and tackle the challenge with positive energy.

I am a firm believer in the concept of continuous improvement. There are always ways to do things better, and these should result in a relentless pursuit of excellence. A top quality effort is almost always rewarded, although that reward may be manifested in different ways at different times. For me, excellence is of greater value than any reward that may follow.

Good leadership plans ahead, manages resources well, and acknowledges achieving efforts. Integrity in leadership is illustrated by cultivating an environment that elicits the best, respects all, and enables growth and development all the while executing the day-to-day business. Above all, integrity requires truth - you cannot have integrity without truth.

Being able to come through in the clutch has its benefits. Being able to deliver the tying or winning runs with 2 outs in the bottom of the 9th can be a great feeling. But when every day is an impossible situation requiring a Herculean effort, the effects are exhausting. You can be a great clutch-hitter, but it's hard to be clutch every moment. And it is even harder when you harbor doubts about the organization. Once in a while, it would be nice to win the game in a blowout with everybody, especially at the top, working to build the team and create the environment that allows for less drama and more efficient and sensible business execution.

As I evaluate myself, I have to acknowledge my failures as a leader in the organization, as I have allowed my frustration with others in management to taint my views of the organization. Evaluating my own integrity in work performance is a little harder - other than perhaps it is a demonstration of integrity that I continuously fight for common sense approaches. I believe things can be made better, but do not have enough leverage to single-handedly make it so. So depsite what may be poor planning by others, I suppose I must accept the role and let it become an emergency on my part. Because that's my job.

Of course, it has also been said that "Quitters never win, and winners never quit, but those who never quit AND never win are idiots." Heh. Not sure what do with that one.

So I will press on, for now. I've got two days to deliver.

Run, for fun?!

One of the most humbling reality checks for a guy approaching 40 is to realize that the level of physical fitness he may have enjoyed in his 20's is mostly obliterated by 15 years behind a desk and computer screen. After high school, I was a steady 170. At 38, I've put on another 45. Of course, I've no one to blame. After the kids were born, my days of playing 2-4 softball games a week were over, and I simply didn't do what I needed to do to stay in shape. I am trying to eat better (and less), and while that has helped in dropping the first 6-9 pounds, I've got a long way to go. Of course, that last sentence implies that I actually have a goal. Which I don't, really, unless of course, the goal is less.

I thought about this again recently, as my 20th high school reunion came and went without my presence. (I attended my 10th, and was somewhat underwhelmed, so attending the 20th wasn't a high priority). Besides, the reunion conflicted with already set plans for a vacation in Orlando. The vacation was okay, but the highlight was actually a 3K run/walk called Disney's Race for the Taste. The main event for the generally insane was a 10K that went between parks, but we opted for the 3K, which was confined to Epcot.

Now, I've told anyone who cares to listen a thousand times just how much I dislike distance running. Give me a glove and bat and a ball field, and I'll run. But running/jogging is not what I consider "fun." Just ask my knees. So why was this event the highlight of the trip?

My oldest son doesn't have the same level of interest my younger son has for team sports. However, he does like to run, and he appears to be built for it physically (he doesn't have my knock-kneed physique). Thinking that perhaps he might be interested in cross-country someday, we decided to enter the 3K portion of the Race for the Taste. Once we paid the registration fee, that meant that we had committed ourselves, and that meant training. So as a family, we ventured out to a local 1/4 mile track several times over a period of about 6 weeks, gearing up for the 3K. And that required getting this no-longer-20 body out on a track, while my oldest ran circles around me. But the preparation was important, and proved helpful. The crowd and the width of the track made it somewhat difficult to maintain a consistent pace, and by no means were we able to run the whole thing. In fact, I figure we probably only ran a max of 3/4 mile in spurts. But we were able together to complete the 3K race around Epcot in 30 minutes.

So why was this the highlight of the trip? A couple of reasons: 1) We ran as a family. I was surprised to discover that running/training with someone is better for me than doing it alone. 2) It was a real race with a finish line, rather than just running circles around a track. 3) We had to push ourselves to make our goal time of 30 minutes. Surprisingly, that felt good. 4) Finally, I got to run with my son, and together, we did ourselves proud.

Of course the question remains, do we continue? There are any number of local races and opportunities. I still don't like to run. But if my son remains interested, I won't refuse. And just maybe it would help me get into better shape.

Sigh. My knees are going to just love me.

Lunar Water, Lunar Rockets

In my almost daily dive into the informational smorgasbord of the net, I often happen upon essays or articles that peak my interest. If the topic inspires new thought or ideas, I copy down and save off the links for further review and comment. As it is difficult to carve out time for writing in the midst of work and family time, I have assembled quite a backlog of topics for blog posts.

Since I last posted on the topic of manned space flight, the presence of water has been discovered on the moon. Are you kidding me!? This is a monumental discovery that dramatically changes the math for moon exploration. This news came within days of the release of the Augustine Panel's summary report - which among other things suggest that NASA's budget is insufficient to support a moon-to-Mars set of milestones. With the planned retirement of the shuttle next year, and the developmental delays besetting the Ares program, the United States is on the verge of conceding the pioneering edge to other nations. While the vision of both the government and NASA bureacracies bear much of the blame, the issue is a matter of will. In today's political climate, you get the sense that space exploration is fading fast as a national priority. Yet I wonder, how will we as a nation "feel" when countries like India are the ones making discoveries of water on the moon, as perhaps China or the Europeans or even the Russians push towards the moon to exploit the discovery of a potentially viable resource that enables semi-permanent colonization (think Gold Rush here)? I had not yet been born when Sputnik launched, but I would anticipate a similar sense of defeatism should the future of manned space flight be relinquished to others. This is another reason I am an advocate of commercializing the venture. If governments lead the way, space exploration will be as nationalized as our planet. Who gets to draw the borders on the moon? Those who get there first and stay there.

Nevertheless, there are some cool things happening. I don't remember how I found it, so I cannot provide the standard obligatory hat/tip, but a contest is underway called the 2009 Northrop Grumman Lunar Lander Challenge. The video embedded below is one of two in this brief article at SpaceFellowship.com. You'll have to watch the video until the end to get the proper size perspective of the vehicle. While it might be worth a comment to consider how a vaunted contractor such as Grumman (okay, Northrup-Grumman) has to consider subcontracting designs of a lunar lander after their dominance of the technology during Apollo, I love the fact that innovation hasn't yet disappeared from the American landscape.



The X-Prize Foundation, which is sponsoring the challenge, has more information, including additional video of lander designs from other competitors. Check it out.

Illumination

Of all the nightly displays of fireworks at the Disney parks, the clear favorite in my book is the one put on by EPCOT. IllumiNations: Reflections of Earth. The presentation has been known to bring grown men to tears, and I am certainly no exception. Combining a powerful display of story, music and pyrotechnics, IllumiNations somehow manages to breach all defenses with a literal and figurative light straight into the courts of the heart.

As I once said, music has the power to reach deep into the soul and express those mysteries for which there simply are no words. Yet the music alone cannot explain the impact of this show. And while the fireworks are brilliant, they too do not singly spear the heart and enlighten the mind. It is something more than the words of the story narration that I suspect few ever really remember. Rather, the combination of these elements within an atmosphere of watchful anticipation brings our experience of these precious minutes into an almost symphonic focus. Words and thought can only get in the way of this purely sensory experience. Indeed, I know my own attempts are woefully inadequate. Yet I am compelled.

Sentry flames alight around the circumference of the lagoon, heralding the moment of gathering. Ripples of light dance across the surface of the water, pulling the senses into a brief period of inner calm just before flares announce the opening downbeat. Sights and sounds take over the intellectual function, the gathered masses transforming from sentients of thought into creatures of being. Kaleidoscopic fountains of water in the midst of the lagoon dance lightly in time even as a billowing inferno erupts with raw, destructive but somehow alluring power. Intense light and incredible heat buffets the body in waves, yet to turn away is impossible. Fire, (such fire!) alights the eyes and quickens the breath. Laser lights fill the sky, and rockets from right beneath the feet launch on a rising trajectory across the way leaving glittering entrails across the sky.

From the chaos of free, unbroken spirit comes a soaring song. This universal melody speaks of a world united, not by government, but by the miracle of creation itself. Humanity's wonderful achievements cannot match the single most astounding accomplishment of all, one for which we can make no claim: life. Order was introduced by a word spoken by a Creator, a word men can accept or reject, but cannot author. This soaring song crescendos to a climax, when intensely bright lights pierce the eyes in exhilarating triumph.

The dramatic conclusion brings the height of emotion to the surface, the applause rings out from the vast circle of unseen humanity across the newly darkened waves. The lights return, the Reflections without suddenly revert to reflection within, as I catch my breath, wipe my face and wonder just what it is we have collectively experienced. No bright light, no amount of ale can explain why the eyes of grown men water uncontrollably. Slowly, the presence of my children bring me back to the present reality. But the meaning of the moment doesn't fade entirely, as a glance across the lagoon horizon gives way to the moon rising over Mexico.

Illumination? Perhaps for a moment. But the briefest spark of illumination can ignite the innermost dreams and passions and understanding that drive us onward, upward to the present that awaits us. And understanding is key. For despite the foolish hope of temporal utopia, wisdom comes when we acknowledge the unending war between chaos and order and learn to see that until eternity arrives, we will always - and most desperately - yearn for inner meaning and those blinding, fleeting moments of illumination. And for this perhaps, we cry.

On Vacation in the Premier Tourist Trap of the World

This week finds me in Orlando, the premier tourist trap in all the known galaxy. We're here courtesy of family, taking advantage of a timeshare reservation that allows us to minimize our costs and to enjoy time with extended family.

While it is no secret that I long for other destinations to experience inner refreshment, I have to admit that there is much to appreciate about Disney. Attention to detail, for example. Walt Disney the man was a dreamer, and despite failures, never stopped dreaming. Frankly, there aren't enough people taught to dream. Those that do are quickly doused by the cynical logic of realists in our frontier-less western society. As a parent, it is difficult to encourage dreams in my children while at the same time trying to prepare them to survive in "the real world."

Indeed, as much as I would love to find a way to let my inner child out in a place like this, people tend to get in the way. The masses of humanity are drawn to places like this, and they bring with them their culture, their manners (or lack thereof), and the remarkable ability to look everywhere but where they are going. Indeed, we all walk around these places as if the crowd doesn't exist, and we stop right in the middle of the pedestrian traffic lanes without regard to others around us. We experience life in our own little bubbles, and often only acknowledge others when they impede our progress or invade our personal spaces.

To be certain, it is fascinating how often you find yourself standing in line next to visitors who don't speak your language. You want to experience multiculturalism, this is definitely the place. Ironically, it can also be rather isolating.

Disney speaks to those things that may well be universal to the lighter side of the human condition. But aside from the global influences that have impacted our worldview (everything from environmentalism to political correctness), one thing you can say about Disney (the man and the enterprise) is that at its core, it is most certainly all about free enterprise. My wallet can attest to that. And for this fact, I am actually very thankful.

Make Me Laugh

It is no secret to anyone who knows me that I take life far too seriously. That may even be an understatement. So much of my persona is built around the precept that there are right things to do, and right ways to do them. I have endeavored to apply that to so many areas of my life, it borders on obsession. This guiding principle has provided me a fair measure of success, at least in terms of academics and career. I don't really fear failure, but I would be lying if I didn't say that failure or mediocrity are things I tend to abhor. These are heavy expectations I place on myself, and I am my own worst critic. I am sure there are plenty others like me in that respect.

But I do take things seriously. Inauthenticity bothers me. Poor character bothers me. Injustice bothers me. It is illuminating really, because as much as I think I don't levy expectations of perfection or high standards on anyone else but myself, I actually do. Because in part, that's the way I am, so if I expect it from myself, I find it hard to understand people who don't expect it of themselves. Because in everything, there are right things to do and right ways to do them.

And all of that is understandable, if I look only at that part of me that "has it all figured out," those things by which men are most often measured in this world. Yet the result is often two-dimensional, lacking in the depth of what man was created to be. What do people see? They see a smart, intelligent, hard-working man who is cynical, negative and a worthy protégé of Grumpy the dwarf. Perhaps a good and caring man, passionate about Truth, but with a demeanor that simply brings people down.

Last week, my wife shared with me a conversation she had with my oldest son. I don't remember the exact details, but in effect, he was about to brush his teeth when he heard her outside the bathroom door. He said, "I knew it was you, Mom, because of your laugh! Dad doesn't laugh, or at least, I don't ever hear him laugh."

I'm afraid he's right. My kids don't often see me laugh, because laughter is usually a product of an inner joy. Joy has always been fleeting for me. But as I mull over the truth of his words, how sad it makes me! For all my efforts and attempts to do right things in the right way, I clearly have fallen short of being the kind of father my kids need to see to make their way in this difficult world. My kids have seen me angry, tired, sad and sick. Have they ever seen me happy? How can they hear me laugh with joy and delight when the truth is, I don't? They do know that I love them dearly, and that I am very proud of them for who they are today. But if that is all they see, then I risk robbing them of their joy and delight. I don't want them to be like me; I want them to be happy.

And so I wrestle with the reality that the right thing to do - as a dad - is to be sure that my kids know that joy is essential to their emotional and spiritual well-being. That fun and laughter is a delightful part of life that should be indulged, not frowned upon. That even though the world is hard and often dark, joy is the light that will enable them to thrive despite the forces at work against them. It is the right thing to do. And as for the right way to do it? Well, the simplest answer may be the correct one.

Try.

Can I succeed? Don't make me laugh.

The Great Cody Jarrett

One of the more intense Jimmy Cagney movies is one called White Heat. Released in 1949, this gangster-crime drama has significantly more depth than several of the earlier Warner Brothers movies Cagney made in the 1930's. Likely, this probably had much to do with the maturation of audience sensibilities toward violence following World War II. White Heat portrays characters with more emotional depth, better dialog, and here's the shocker: a plot. Indeed, the greatness of this movie is found in the unexpected turns, the character dynamics that reveal the complexities of the human conscience, and the suspense that builds throughout. As great as some of the pictures of the 1930's were, after a while the viewer began to come away with the idea that the characters were more cartoonish or caricatures - two dimensional at best (sadly, many modern offerings from Hollywood are still this way). Cagney's Cody Jarrett is far from two-dimensional. Cody Jarrett is a bona-fide bad guy, ultra paranoid and sporadically psychotic, and in every way the proverbial "momma's boy." But as tribute to the genre, Jarrett fights to the end, and goes down in a "blaze" of glory.

Not long ago, Big Hollywood posted an article about this movie. If you don't mind spoilers, have a read. Video clips included.

Without question, Cody Jarrett is one of my favorite bad-guy characters. White Heat is a good story, and a great movie.

"I made it, Ma! Top of the world!"

Facebook Nation?

No, this is not a post to announce my arrival to the Facebook Nation. On the contrary, I still remain ambivalent about signing up for the social network. I tend to be what most would call a slow-adopter. In the 80's, I didn't cave in and buy a Coca-Cola shirt until the latter part of the fad. Being somewhat of a miser, I don't jump in and buy the latest technology or gadget (unlike some others I know). I waited 4 years to finally watch Forrest Gump simply because everybody insisted that I just had to watch it. It's not that I'm so much a nonconformist, it's just that I tend to be very deliberate about what I choose to do. I just don't tend to jump in to the next wave of what's new - it's just not my personality.

And so it is with Facebook. I'm simply not certain that I'm quite ready to join a social network that threatens to bring back every era of my life on one page. I keep waiting for the fad to fade, but according to this piece by Michael S. Malone, that may not happen. Facebook appears to be one of those exceptions where the old axiom "but everybody's doing it!" is actually true (emphasis mine):

In the last year, Facebook, the social networking site to which you likely already belong, has seen its membership rolls triple in the last year . . .to a total of 300 million members. And, if those trends are continuing, Facebook today will add another 3 million members – that is, the population of a city the size of Berlin, Madrid or Buenos Aires – today.

Three hundred million members is a mind-boggling number. In terms of population, it would put Facebook on the list only behind China, India and the United States – and just above Indonesia, Brazil and Pakistan. It is almost as big as the entire population of the European Union, of sub-Saharan Africa, or South America. And, incredibly, it is equal to the entire population of the world in 1000 A.D.

In 1991, I learned about the dissolution of the Soviet Union on a service called Prodigy. Three years later, I was getting 3 CDs a week in the mail from a company called America Online (AOL) and the sing-song announcement "You've got mail!" for $19.99 a month. Fifteen years later, the Facebook Nation is the fourth largest "nation" in the world in terms of population? Absolutely mind-boggling.

Still, I'm not yet quite ready to jump on the bandwagon. I spend too much time online as it is, and with my tendencies I need to be careful. Things like Facebook could easily consume me. 300 million people notwithstanding, there is a world outside of the network. A world where the sun rises in brilliant reds and yellows, the deer race across the grass by the treeline, and people still talk and live face-to-face without a computer monitor between them.

But, the trend is obvious. Facebook indeed may very well rule the world. Just remember that the real world is not two-dimensional.

Off Day

With a major project now complete (and near future funding in question), today seemed like a good day to step away from the office and try to unwind. The tension is pretty high these days, so I'm making some time to slow down and indulge in personal time - something all too rare for me.

In the movie Parenthood, there is a tense scene where the character played by Steve Martin laments that between work, family, and extended family, his whole life is a "have-to." And while I'd like to think that my attitude isn't that bad, there are times where it does ring true. All I have to do is look at my calendar, my home, my job, my kids - there are a tremendous number of things to do and responsibilities to uphold. Some of these are good, but when the tank is empty, or rather filled with sludge, it becomes easy to look at all the "have-to's". For years, my wife has advised me to not be afraid to find something that feeds me, or brings me joy. Her advice is well noted. It may just be true that a day off is not so much an indulgence, but in truth a "have-to" of another sort. For sanity. For emotional release. For rest.

So this morning, I went back to that little 9-hole golf course. I arrived just before it opened, got stretched out, and hit a bucket of balls. When I finally started on the first hole, I was the only one on the course. When I finished, I was still the only one on the course. A few others were hitting range balls, but to walk 9 holes and have the place to myself - that was nice. I even finished two strokes better than I did the last time out. I did lose two balls: the first in the cotton on Hole 2, the second in the tree line on Hole 9. Before teeing off on that final hole, I watched a couple of fish (not sure what kind) breaking through the surface of the pond that surrounds the tee-box. A nice peaceful moment topping off a quiet morning outside.

What does the rest of the day hold? I frankly haven't decided yet. I may watch a Jimmy Cagney movie, or I may go upstairs and work on my neglected bonus room. I might even close my eyes and take a nap, before meeting my family in town late this afternoon. We're dropping the kids off at a science museum after school, and my wife and I are going on a date.

Yep, an off day is exactly what I needed.

A Portrait of Me

The soft scuffle of tennis shoes across long-abandoned railroad ties fills the silence between the gentle northern breezes. With each step, a light crunch of gravel can be heard, and even the occasional pebble striking the rusty iron rail rings its tone. A cold sun hangs in the sky, the promise of a spring not yet come. Brown weeds sway stiffly in the wind, lifeless or dormant, it remains to be seen. Up ahead, between two ties and just outside the rail, a flash of light catches my eye. A stray leaf scuttles past me as I reach down to pick up this treasure which, like me, seems very out of place here. Indeed, for I hold in my hand now a key ...

And so began the introduction to a collection of writings I began 4 years ago, a writing project that never reached the first chapter. Here's more:

I’ve often wondered whether I would ever start a project such as this, for as much as I adore the inner world and the miracle of the written word, I’ve a fear that the richness within will fade as it is brought out into this temporary realm. I love to write, and I love to teach. I even enjoy sharing with others the story of God’s hand upon my life. But to lay out the scroll of my heart for all to see, not knowing myself that which is writ upon it, well, I must admit to a feeling of trepidation. Yet I also know, somehow, that it is necessary. I believe that within every human soul there lives a desire to know and to be known; to love and be loved; to serve and be served. (This is not an original thought, of course).

A simple key can capture the imagination unlike any other talisman. A key unlocks locks. It unlocks doors. A key can inspire mysteries and unleash marvelous epiphanies. I have keys whose purposes have been long forgotten. I’ve lost access to more than a few doors and files due to keys that have sprouted legs and walked away, never to be seen again. Whether in literature or in our everyday lives, we all have keys. Secret passwords, PIN numbers, access codes, booby-trapped floors where you can only step on the letters that spell out the word Jehovah (in Latin, mind you, Jehovah starts with an “I”): there are all sorts of keys. But unlike Raiders of the Lost Ark, when it comes to unlocking what lies within, we can’t depend on Indiana Jones to safely navigate us through the danger zones of the inner man. But only one key, Truth, can open the right doors and enable us to see clearly what must be seen.

I wrote this during a time in my life where I genuinely feared that those closest to me were actually the ones who knew me least. Everyone, despite any protestations to the contrary, needs an outlet of self-expression - to be known. But for others to know us, does it not also imply a need to know ourselves?

While every person has both value and stories worth telling, writing down my “life story” is not my intent. My purpose here is to share with you what I learn about my own self, so that you will better know me as well. And I know that what you will find will not be wasted, nor in vain; in the presence of Truth, we are never left unaffected.

For my wife, my children, and my parents and my brother then, I invite you to sit back and ponder this portrait of me.

Alas, beyond the quotes below, I never added another word to this beginning. And that is regrettable. Not because I have such a compelling story, but rather because we live in a day and age where the stories of our heritage are fading from remembrance - simply because those stories are not told. We are far too distracted by the wonders of the modern age that consume our energies. Indeed, I confess my own guilt. And in that example, what is the legacy I leave behind? Is the portrait of my life limited to 2 dimensions? Or can the depth of the human soul be revealed in all its colors, bright and dark, so that true "knowing" can occur?

“It is the greatest good for an individual to discuss virtue every day … for the unexamined life is not worth living.”

“Know thyself”

-- Socrates

"For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you."

-- Romans 12:3 (NIV)

That, indeed, is the key.

A Portrait of Me: The Key
A Portrait of Me: River Walk
A Portrait of Me: Journey's Dawn
A Portrait of Me: I Am Prodigal

Eight Years

Whenever I think back to September 11, 2001, I catch myself reflecting on how long ago that seems. Since that fateful day, we've seen two wars, the re-emergence of hyper-politics, and the utter demonization of a president. It has only been eight years, but in so many ways, the eyes of the nation have once again turned inward. There are people today who would just as soon America forget 9/11 - including some Americans.

I cannot do that. Because in that dark hour, I witnessed a rare but powerful moment in which the people of this nation came together. Not that all agreed with the decisions that followed, but in those days, there was a resoluteness to survive and overcome the devastation. Because even the most ardent opposition to the president recognized that freedom was under attack, and that we as a Nation had to respond. To be sure, the unity was momentary, and people soon became poisoned by a level of political vitriol that washed it all away. But despite all the controversy, I will always be thankful for George W. Bush, who rose to the occasion to lead and protect this nation. The president was at his very best when speaking in defense of freedom and democracy, speeches that many have forgotten or ignored.

In the days and years that followed, I started archiving a few photos and texts of speeches associated with 9/11. The videos links below are some of those that have stayed with me in my remembrances. In addition, I highly suggest you visit this site. It takes a long time to load, but I truly believe it is worth your time to remember. I have watched it several times over the years (and again yesterday), and I still cannot make it through without shedding tears. Also worth a visit is the September 11 Digital Archive and September 11 News archives.

Video: President Bush Address to Nation, September 11, 2001

Video: The Bullhorn Speech

Video: Excerpts from Address to Joint Session of Congress, September 20, 2001

Today, I am displaying the flag, in remembrance of the fallen and in honor of those who serve on the front lines today. I may also pull out a VHS tape we made in the aftermath, to capture those heroic days searching for survivors and remembering the victims. My children are wearing red, white and blue to school. We will remember. We will always remember. Because whatever else some may wish to call it, today is Patriot Day.

Space ...

The Augustine panel, also known as the Review of U.S. Human Space Flight Plans Committee, has released their initial summary report. The summary report can be downloaded here. I haven't yet had a chance to study it in detail, but Network World has a decent wrap up here. Bottom line, the future all comes down to setting a compelling vision, allocating resources to match that vision, and making some tough choices about national priorities. I may post more later once I've had the chance to think about the panel's conclusions.

In the meantime, NASA released the latest images from the Hubble Space Telescope. The image below is that of planetary nebula NGC 6302. You can download various sizes of this stunning "butterfly" image and an explanation of what you are really seeing from the Hubble page on NASA's website.


I can only imagine what it must be like to see such things close up with the naked eye. Wondrous.

The M-Word: Part 1

In a previous post, I indicated an intent to explore certain questions of ministry. I have found it to be a difficult subject to address in written form. Some of the hesitation I feel may be more accurately described as dread. My perspective of the church and its usage of the word "ministry" is undergoing a significant shift. To call it a paradigm shift understates the issue; I have witnessed so many "paradigm" shifts over the years that the term almost feels cliché. Rather, I suspect a more fundamental realignment is at work here, the final rendering of which remains to be seen.

So, to address the first question: "What is your ministry?" I could easily rattle off any number of Sunday School answers to that one. From the Great Commandment to the Golden Rule, from the Great Commission to the ambassadorial witness, from the dedication of God-given spiritual gifts, talents and blessing to the great calling to follow Christ - these are the easy answers. I could also say I am called to be a spiritual entrepreneur, living a purpose-driven life with a unique SHAPE, created for worship as I endeavor to teach the Word of God in an attitude of servant leadership as I fill my role as one functional part of the whole Body of Christ manifest in the local church, the hope of the world. I am to love my wife as Christ loved the church, to be a father who does not provoke his children to anger, serving as a model whose sole purpose is to point any and all to the Truth of Christ's being. Again, these are all the easy answers, gleaned from 20 years of training and teaching in a variety of ministry environments, books and movements. And while all of these are undoubtedly true, I cannot help but to suspect that something important has been overlooked. But what?

I cannot speak for history, but the past few decades have seen the predominance of the self-help genre that has inevitably awakened interest in various forms of spiritualism. Similarly, many of the Christian books and themes of the last 20 years have focused on helping the Christian become more self-aware of his own purpose of being and even personal happiness. I wonder how many people have felt the pressure to identify their spiritual gifts and ministry simply because that's what is expected. Because you know, everyone has to have one. If you don't have a ministry, or if you're not using your spiritual gifts to benefit the church, then you're simply not being faithful. New believers come to the faith, and before they are ready, the pressure to conform to the latest wave of modern Christian thinking is leveled upon them. It doesn't take long for the perception of spiritual elitism to take hold over those who "have it" and those who don't. And the purpose for all of this? Ministry.

But this is not new. The institutional church, whether intentionally or not, has impressed upon its members that service to Christ really means service to the church. Do something for God by doing something for the church. Be a part of this church program or that, because what matters is that we serve, and that people know that today's act of service has been brought to you by the people of Maple Street Suburban Church. Come to our church, so that you can receive our ministry. The church is preeminent in our thinking, in how we have trained others for full-time Christian service. Undoubtedly, there are true ministries that target those in material and spiritual need in oppressive economic and political cultures around the world. My argument is not against them. Indeed, my argument is not against those who truly love the Lord and seek to serve. My argument is, however, against the subtle undertones in motive that cause us to believe that the serving the church itself for its own temporal furtherance is to be fully equated with serving Christ, as if such propitiation could be established.

My origins are from the traditional institutional church. But my journey has taken me somewhere beyond those comfortable confines. Indeed, my years serving as a representative of my local church in the larger denominational business gatherings have seriously altered my views. While many offer their lives in full time Christian service, the message to those servants - good people with good motives and intent, notwithstanding - that they and they alone must labor to "expand the Kingdom" and at the same time, expand the membership to ensure the long-term viability of the pension program. Is this what ministry is for - to ensure that a particular brand of the Christian church survives in order to pay somebody's retirement? Isn't it supposed to be more than that?

I have seen and experienced God do amazing things. His heart and passion is for people, that they would be made whole and full in the knowledge that there is a Creator, a Savior, and everlasting life. A church should not simply "have" ministries. Rather the church should be a community that sends people to serve Christ outside the doors, not to create attendance at next week's worship service but to demonstrate the love of God to all living generations in the hopes that the Holy Spirit will draw the lost into an eternal membership in the Kingdom of God - both today and in the life to come. The institutional church is far too focused on self-preservation - the obsession with "the future of Christianity in a post-modern society" in closed-group, intellectual discussions speaks evidence to this, as does the ever-increasing focus on budget shortfalls. By definition, ministry should not be self-focused, but simply the dedication of oneself to the will of God wherever He places us at any given time.

So, what is my ministry? To serve Christ, to grow in knowledge and to speak the Truth. Am I equipped to do this? I don't know yet. I acknowledge that most of what I have written above lacks structure and sequence, and may be incomplete and even unfair to a degree. Hence the dread I suggested at the beginning of this post. But as I seek to answer for myself the question "what is my ministry" I first must begin the process of understanding the origins of what ministry has been and how it has changed me, so that I can fully discover what my present and future ministry is to be.

Fun with Disney / Marvel

This past Monday, Disney announced the intended acquisition of Marvel Entertainment. As a Marvel comic-book fan in my boyhood (how well I remember scrambling to the comic-book rack at the local convenience store), I have some mixed feelings about this. Disney has done this before with Winnie the Pooh and the Muppets. I enjoy Disney, and I enjoy Marvel. However, I'm not sure I want to see the Hulk stomping through Tomorrowland. We shall see.

However, this is kind of fun. A group of digital artists set up a photoshop contest inviting participants to create new Disney/Marvel "hybrids." My favorite entry:


Check out the link above and see all 52 entries. The one I wish somebody would make: Goofy/Thor. Or Selena Gomez/Phoenix. Why not? But, please spare me any hybrids involving Hannah Montana! (h/t: PhatDisneyGeek)

On President's Speaking to School Children

I wasn't going to post on this, but given that there has been a bit of a hubbub over the President giving a speech to public school children, I debated whether or not to express my thoughts.

Fortunately for me, Ann Althouse hits the points I would have shared (emphasis mine):

Ideally, children should learn to understand political speeches and think for themselves about what they mean. I remember as a schoolchild being assigned various political speeches to read and understand. These were historical speeches — by Washington, Lincoln, etc. — but they were by Presidents, Presidents who had a political agenda. These assignments can be especially useful educational experiences, equipping children to live in the world — where politicians will try to influence them and lead them along. Teach them how to see what is being done and why.

There are far too many people already who are illiterate in civics and American government. While there is opportunity for abuse here, in the propaganda sense, I think engagement is a far better course of action than pulling your kids out of school because of a speech. Governors, Presidents and Members of Congress can do far better than the typical photo op illustrated by "reading a book to children" with the cameras rolling. Engagement of ideas, along with critical thinking, is a far more worthy ... and dare I say it, educational ... goal.

Fascinating

While I certainly don't grasp the technology behind this, I admit to being completely fascinated by this accomplishment from scientists at IBM. The image below purports to be a genuine snapsnot of a single pentacene molecule.


The article does not dive into the details of the science, but it is remarkable just how similar our textbook representation of carbon-based molecular structures resemble what may be the actual physical structure of the molecule.

As my father likes to say from time to time, Way cool!

Drowning in Data

Sometimes, the best laid plans go awry. Whereas my goal is to exercise my writing muscle at least every few days, this week found me drowning in the depths of a meaningless data analysis required by my current task. I struggle with tasks that require delivery for the sake of meeting a contract, when I know that the underlying data is essentially useless in terms of quality. You can put a bow on it, and spray some air freshener, but in the end dung will always retain its intrinsic qualities.

In the realm of scientific analysis, test and evaluation, the appetite for collecting data is insatiable. So often, we fail to identify what data we need, and in the absence of a focused plan, we collect all that we can. The result is predictable: mountains of data that likely mean little to our purpose, but require perpetual storage just in case its importance is someday discovered. And so we must take great care in the choices we make for storing that data.

This related article in the Wall Street Journal talks about this challenge. Scientific technologies have advanced our data collection capabilities far beyond what have ever been possible before. Digital data collection holds the promise of archiving vast sums of human knowledge, but the Achilles heel remains the storage mechanism. Indeed, a simple forgotten password, or the fact that common digital storage mediums only have a shelf life of 5-20 years can mean that vast sums of research and effort could be lost and made useless forever. A simple example: in my house, we have an external drive connected to our satellite receiver so that we can save off programs for future viewing. For reasons unknown, however, that drive is no longer recognized by the receiver, meaning that an entire season of ABC's Lost is inaccessible (it's okay, I'll wait for the DVD set). But I also have had numerous important floppy disks that have decayed, and are thus useless. So while the digital revolution has made information more accessible than ever before, it has also made that same information much more vulnerable to decay, corruption and irretrievable loss.

In the long run, no scientific data can outlast the storage media that contains it, unless it can be accurately recopied and reliably re-authenticated. Many computer CDs, DVDs and flash drives last only a decade or so. The oldest known star atlas, inscribed on a scroll discovered in Dunhuang, China, has survived for more than 1,000 years. It might have been traced from an even older star map.

I'll take a real book over a Kindle any day. A book will always hold the promise of treasure; CDs, DVDs and flash drives - debatable. To the point:

"Digital information lasts forever -- or five years," says RAND Corp. computer analyst Jeff Rothenberg, "whichever comes first."

Additional reading: RAND's "Digitial Preservation: The uncertain future of saving the past."

I love the subtitle.

Civic Awakening?

I have watched with interested skepticism the response of concerned citizens to their congressional representatives this past month at these so-called "town halls." Setting aside the faux "shock-and-awe" that the media tends to concoct or deride whenever something unexpected happens, I endeavored to observe whether the apparent push-back against rampant government intervention was a sustainable awakening or simply another brief moment of indignation destined to slip back into grousing acquiescence. It has been said of Ronald Reagan that he had confidence in the common sense and wisdom of the American people. As a cynic, I confess to generally holding the opposite view. It has been my experience that the only freedom most people care about is their own. I suspect that most people have at least a moderate distrust of government despite its necessity, but that it is less an institutional distrust as opposed to a class distinction. By this I mean that while we recognize that the government exists to ensure an orderly society, we generally have little faith in the political or bureaucratic classes to manage the effort. The best managers in the workplace are those that bring out the best in their employees, providing guidance and setting goals to help the employee excel in his career while avoiding the instinct to micromanage and control the outcome. Fear and dissatisfaction surface every time someone takes the reins who believes they know better than you how to do your job, what you need to manage your life, and has the authoritative power to exercise that control - thus limiting your freedom to grow, make mistakes and learn from them, and essentially make your own decisions.

For the past few weeks, various pundits and commentators have been trying to explain the phenomena of these "angry" town halls. Troy Senik, a former speechwriter, makes the assertion that the awakening is real (emphasis mine):

"If a revolution takes root throughout the country and no one in Washington hears it, does the revolution exist? In our representative system, the answer is yes - and members of both parties ought to start paying attention if they hope to survive the 2010 midterm elections intact. ...

There's a lesson here for both parties. Healthcare isn't failing because of Obama's weaknesses or his opponent's strength. It is failing because the proposal misapprehends the American character. On a moral level, there are sacrifices of both liberty and responsibility that the American people aren't willing to make. And on a practical level, citizens who enjoy a world of instant convenience in everything from their music downloads to their airplane tickets aren't willing to entertain a debate about whether it's better to ration health care on a Soviet model or a Canadian model.

A revolt is afoot in the nation. The media and the political class might not understand the appeal of the Ron Pauls and Glenn Becks of the world. But even many of those who disagree with Paul and Beck on the specifics understand the draw. Something is resurfacing. Americans are increasingly unafraid to say the word "liberty". Politicians who don't share that trait may want to start updating their résumés."

Color me skeptical. I thought America was on the verge of an awakening during the aftermath of 9/11. How quickly that unity felt apart! America is in the throes of a serious bout of attention deficit disorder. While every now and then the focus is there to collectively push back against those who infringe upon our freedoms, it is simply a matter of time before we slip back into cynical complacency and allow the government classes to do whatever they wish. People only get riled up when their personal freedom is endangered, and even that has limits. I truly wish I could believe otherwise. I'm not an activist, and I'm not a rabble-rouser. I don't think we need another "revolution." What we need is civility and clarity to create the conditions in which people may choose to excel (or not excel) in whatever directions they wish to go in life. Should there be boundaries? Of course - society requires boundaries in order to sustain the resources which enable an environment that creates conditions for that society to flourish. Is that even possible? The history of civilization is one of waves, highs and lows, but in our limited perspective, always one of steady incline and eventual progress to new heights. But the laws of decay are generally inevitable. The question of the sustainability of a free society against the micromanaging tendencies of government creates a continuing tension whose outcome has yet to be determined.

Reagan, in his 1986 State of the Union Address, said this:

"Government growing beyond our consent had become a lumbering giant, slamming shut the gates of opportunity, threatening to crush the very roots of our freedom. What brought America back? The American people brought us back -- with quiet courage and common sense; with undying faith that in this nation under God the future will be ours, for the future belongs to the free."

Can the American people bring us back this time? Do they have "quiet courage and common sense" and faith that "the future belongs to the free"? Would that it were so, but I'm not holding my breath.

Spirit Lives On

For all the people who criticize NASA and its recent struggles to maintain and achieve a vision without going drastically over budget, you simply have to applaud those folks at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory who conceived and managed the Mars Rover program. The Spirit rover passed an incredible milestone yesterday, completing its 2000th day working on the surface of Mars. Spirit, and its companion rover Opportunity, continue to study the surface and composition of the Mars planet years longer than they were ever envisioned to survive. Granted, they have their challenges (Spirit's stuck in a sand trap), but that does nothing to diminish the incredible record of achievement that continues to this day, 5.5 years after their arrival on the Red Planet. Enthusiasts can keep track of progress here; they even have a Twitter-feed (I don't do Twitter, but I'm likely in the minority).

In other news, the President's Augustine Panel is coming to conclusion. This update from Rand Simberg highlights some of the possible conclusions that may find their way into the final report.

The good news is that for the first time a major panel of this sort has explicitly stated that the goal of having a human spaceflight program has to be for the ultimate settlement of space, and if we aren’t aiming toward that, there’s not much point. Also, for fans of sending humans to Mars, all of the options are designed with that end in mind, though probably not fast enough for them. The other good news is that the panel seems to strongly support commercial space and believes that the new policy should be much more supportive of it than NASA’s current plans. But for advocates of anything resembling the current four-year-old plan to do "Apollo on Steroids," with new launch and crew delivery systems dubbed “Constellation,” none of the options will be pretty.

Apparently the panel is supportive of the partial commercialization of launch services, which I believe holds the greatest promise of moving history beyond the confines of near-earth orbit. Unfortunately, NASA employment issues will continue to cloud the future of the space program, at least politically. But again, a rightly constructed partnership between NASA and space entrepreneurs may just be the ticket to realizing those dreams that brought people to NASA in the first place.

For now, Spirit and Opportunity live on. May that be true in more ways than one.

Snitch Box Goes Offline

Updating an earlier post, I find this to be good news (Politico):

Following a furor over how the data would be used, the White House has shut down an electronic tip box — flag@whitehouse.gov — that was set up to receive information on “fishy” claims about President Barack Obama’s health plan.

E-mails to that address now bounce back with the message: “The email address you just sent a message to is no longer in service. We are now accepting your feedback about health insurance reform via: http://www.whitehouse.gov/realitycheck.”

Clearly, this little venture backfired publicly, and the administration rightly took a good deal of flak from the issue. I know several people who "self-reported" their dissent to the proposed pathway towards nationalization of health care. While I chose not to (seemed a bit juvenile to me), I certainly sympathize with the sentiment.

So, while I applaud the administration from taking a step back on its citizen agitation scheme, I nevertheless remain bothered that the effort was made in the first place. Just because they pulled the snitch box doesn't "make it all better."

Painting with PETRA

After another intense week at the office, I found myself struggling to get moving this morning. As I have aged, I have found it difficult to sleep in for any good length of time. I'm usually awake by 7, and try in vain to rest in bed until 8, when I finally give up and head out to the kitchen to make some coffee. With all of the unfinished projects and weekly maintenance demands placed upon me by this house, summer weekends are rarely restful. But that's not all bad, because it keeps me active and not locked into my computer so much.

The past several months, I have been steadily working to complete the bonus room over the garage. Last weekend, I completed the remaining drywall repair and primed the closet. This morning, I began priming the room itself. I worked for about 5 hours, and intend to try to finish the task late tonight or tomorrow afternoon. Instead of working in silence, as is my wont to do, today I pulled out Petra Praise: The Rock Cries Out. Released 20 years ago, it was one of my favorite albums during my early years in the faith. Within minutes, the music accomplished what the coffee couldn't - shake the cobwebs out of my head. Or maybe it was the paint fumes. Either way, I found myself singing along to songs I know I haven't even thought about in 10 years, and I remembered every word.

Like many of the acts back in those days, Petra was primarily a ministry. In the late 90's and during much of this decade the Christian music genre took off as an industry, and frankly, after while I stopped paying attention. Too many groups with similar sounds, and a bit too much focus on glamour and celebrity for my tastes, though I'm sure God blesses people through them. I had the fortune of seeing Petra in concert a couple of times, and came away knowing each time that the music was simply the means to share the Truth.

Twenty years ago, ministry was new to me. It was a fresh, new horizon with a plethora of possibilities. Yet my understanding was limited to a naive mix of "what I can do for God" and "study the Bible" trapped within the context of institutional church. But more on this another time. For now, less thinking, and more Petra Praise:

The "M" Word - Prologue

Back in February of this year, I went back to my college alma mater, Auburn University, to attend a Wesley Foundation alumni retreat. I almost always enjoy my visits to Auburn, and reconnecting with friends can be a reviving experience. The theme of this retreat was somewhat unusual, however, in that participants broke up into small groups to discuss a series of questions posed by the facilitator - who collected the notes from our discussions but never presented them back to the participants at large. Basically, as I recall, the pastor leading the retreat was working on a personal quest and used us as a data source. I left the retreat somewhat disappointed, because of the lack of "conclusion." It was like reading Part I of a play, and never getting to Part II.

Since February, I have been going over and over the questions in my mind. In the nearly 16 years since I left college, 20 if you count my time spent at Wesley, I have experienced some amazing highs and devastating lows in ministry. These questions hit at an interesting time - a time in which I had to step back from active leadership in my church. The reasons are many. The questions are these:

1. What is your ministry?
2. Where are you right now?
3. Is it where you expected to be?
4. Is it better/worse/different than before?

Of course, there was a little more to it than that. The questions were asked in the context of the campus ministry experience and how it may differ from the local church experience. But the topic takes on an additional meaning for me, especially as I quickly approach the age of 40. Processing the experiences of the last 20 years of ministry and Christian service and leadership is something that is essential for me to do in order to move forward in a healthy manner. And while it is not my intent to psychoanalyze everything on the pages of this blog, I do think it worthwhile to use this forum to explore these questions. And while my answers and anecdotes will indeed be personal, I trust that the Lord will use it as He sees fit.

More to come.

15 Over

Sometimes, you just have to get away. Whether it be frustrations at the office or the craziness of our culture, you simply have to put some distance between yourself and whatever drains you spiritually and emotionally.

I took that opportunity today. Leaving work early, I headed out to a local driving range that features a short, 9-hole 29 par course. Taking advantage of a tip my brother-in-law gave me a few weeks ago, I used an adjusted grip that interlocks my hands more than I had previously. The result was probably the best day I've ever had swinging the irons. Granted, three 3-putts certainly didn't help my day, but I left the course feeling good about my performance.

Honestly, I felt good period. Having walked the 9 holes in the Alabama heat, I got a fair amount of exercise, fresh air and an unexpected respite from the burdens which usually weigh me down.

I'll never be a good golfer, but today, 15 over feels pretty good. As for all that other stuff, well, tomorrow will take care of itself.

Temperature Rising

This weekend, I tried to refrain from thinking about the realm of politics and the direction of our Nation by pouring my energies into prepping and priming the walls of my upstairs bonus room. I may not be a master craftsman (not even close), but there is a certain amount of pride in paying attention to detail and doing a job well, not to mention the masculine rush that comes with home repair and improvement. I ask for help (and hire experts) when I need to, but I'd much prefer to do it myself. You learn by doing, so to speak.

But alas, even as I immersed myself in finishing some drywall repair and priming the closet yesterday, in the back of my mind I continued to ponder recent events surrounding this healthcare debate and the deteriorating level of political discourse. Whereas there are unhinged, screaming partisans on each side of the aisle who speak not out of reason or logic but out of unpersuadable anger, it is a frightening prospect to witness this same behavior out of elected officials. Perhaps it is true that the political class is merely a reflection of the public at large. Debate is not about politely arguing the merits of a thing, it is now about defeating and humiliating your opponent. And when you have power, the less debate the better. Look no further at the townhall meetings that members of Congress are having with their constituents this summer. Consider the video linked in this piece in the Washington Times. Or consider this video about the happenings in St. Louis.

Glenn Reynolds has a column in today's Washington Examiner that reflects on the state of dialog and the shifting acceptance of what constitutes patriotic dissent (emphasis mine):

"Civility is fine, but those who demand it should show it. The Obama administration -- and its corps of willing supporters in the press and the punditry -- has set the tone, and they are now in a poor position to complain.

Whether they like it or not -- and the evidence increasingly tends toward "not" -- President Obama and his handlers need to accept that this is a free country, one where expressions of popular discontent take place outside the electoral process, and always have. (Remember Martin Luther King?)

What historians like Gordon Wood and Pauline Maier call "out-of-doors political activity" is an old American tradition, and in the past things have been far more "boisterous" than they are today.

Rather than demonizing today's protesters, perhaps they might want to reflect on how flimflams and thuggishness have managed to squander Obama's political capital in a few short months, and ponder what they might do to regain the trust of the millions of Americans who are no longer inclined to give the Obama administration the benefit of the doubt."

I am not an activist, but I do have strong opinions. Sometimes I voice them, but I try to so respectfully. But the temperature is rising. I see it in the office; I've seen it in the church. Righteous anger and action over legitimate injustice may sometimes result in peace and a just solution. But the anger we have witnessed over the last decade does not strike me as righteous, but rather a pernicious rage that threatens to consume otherwise reasonable people. De-escalation is unlikely, because our citizenry seems to have accepted adversarial posturing as the norm. Today, it is countercultural to be calm, dignified and courteous. It is also hard - intelligent conversation with an angry individual is difficult, if not impossible. I would like to believe that things will calm down eventually. I would like to have hope and faith that this Nation of ours can rise above this. I would like to be able to trust in the Office of the President, and those who occupy that position. But what am I to think when my President speaks like this about those who disagree with him?



And this from the lead editorial in the Examiner:

"We are witnessing something terribly ugly in America this summer. Obama is leading a campaign to shift our peaceful democratic process away from civil discussions of programs and candidates to using the power of the state to bully those who oppose the majority party's policy proposals. The threat may be as subtle as the fear of being reported by a neighborhood informant to the White House, or as overt as stick-wielding union toughs who might not approve of the way you ask your congressman a question."

A cooling off period would benefit everyone. Both sides of the political aisle have been warring for at least the past two decades. It's not uncommon in our history. But in the information age of instant media and full participation across the economic spectrum, any sign of truce will immediately be seen as weakness and will prompt the aggressor to exploit the moment. Tactics employed by the current administration makes them valid for use by the next administration. What foundation for trust remains?

I don't have to like a party's agenda. Elections have consequences. But true political discourse should have some ground rules. We do not elect our representatives to lord over us. We elect them to represent us, and the best interests of our Nation.

On this Sunday afternoon, I find myself wrestling with my thoughts and fears of the longevity of our Republic. And the conflict within rests on two mutually exclusive requests that somehow seem bound together in this moment:

On the one hand: Dona nobis pacem.

On the other: "Don't Tread on Me."

Disturbed and Uneasy

I said in a previous post that while I follow national politics, I really don't want to blog too often about it. Nevertheless, I am deeply disturbed and uneasy about tactics under display by the current administration. In particular, the overt suggestion in this White House blog post inviting people to report "fishy" behavior, opinions and activities that oppose the White House position on health care reform.

For reasons expressed well by both Senator John Cornyn and the Washington Examiner's Byron York, the idea that the White House is directly inviting people to "report" on people expressing their First Amendment rights in opposition to the latest majority party initiative strikes me as McCarthy-esque. As with the House Committee on Un-American Activities, even the idea of the White House collecting information on individuals simply because they are exercising their right to political dissent represents a serious breach of decorum and a slap in the face to the founding principles of the American venture. The same can be said of the "enemies list" developed by President Richard Nixon, with the help of one Charles Colson.

The problem with such lists, especially by a government body, is that it creates the possibility that a government can target its own citizens for politically motivated reasons. Indeed, this was also the same kind of concern I had about the Patriot Act, and one of the reasons it was such a hot topic of debate in the aftermath of 9/11.

If what York says is true, that such a "list" or "database" is not expressly illegal, and further, is permanent because of the requirement that email logs are considered Presidential Records that can never be legally destroyed, then all it takes is for someone who disagrees with you politically to decide to email the White House, and you will forever be on a political hit list (regardless if anything actually happens to you).

This administration has openly invited Americans to report on their neighbors over matters of political dissent. Unlike the Patriot Act or reporting on suspicious behavior, political dissent is not criminal behavior. At least, not yet. Such activity is more in character with totalitarian states.

That's not the America I know.

Touching the Right Notes

Ted Dekker has become one of my favorite authors. A fitting complement to Frank Peretti, Dekker made his mark in suspense thrillers with deep Christian context, sometimes allegorical and sometimes overt. And while that label may prompt some to spurn his works, I personally think that would be a mistake. I am convinced that even the unbeliever would enjoy his novels, for Dekker's storytelling is superb. I am very much looking forward to the release of Green.

Reading his blog the other day, I caught this little nugget of insight:

"It has been said that words are one of God’s greatest gifts to mankind. In that they allow us to scratch the surface of an idea and to share that experience with a limited group of others… yes, words are invaluable. But without the incarnation of idea, words are hardly more than mathematical symbols. They are, in fact, rather blunt instruments that often get in the way of true magic."

Indeed, I resonate with this. While storytelling such as that created by the likes of bestselling authors is far beyond my reach, the essence of using words to convey Truth in ways that touch the heart and spirit of another is clearly what I aspire to do. I marvel at those who do it well. When my 9-year old son plays the piano, he does so with a touch that I can never hope to master. Writers who are gifted with the ability to convey the experience of an idea in a manner that fully engages the reader do so by using words and phrases to touch all the right notes.

Using words to express the facts of Truth isn't all that difficult. But using words to convey the power and spirit of Truth, getting past all the defenses and arguments that seek to distort, that takes something more: it takes a gift from above.