Morning People vs. Evening People

I read an article a few days ago that made me seriously question the value of some of the research genetic scientists are engaging in these days. Apparently, the determination of whether men and women become "morning people" or "night owls" is of great scientific import. These scientists alleged that, indeed, we are genetically predisposed to enjoy certain times of the day, although they grudgingly allow for personality and environment-based influences. I cannot tell you what a difference this knowledge will make in my life. Eh.

Now mind you, I don't take the article seriously - if you read it you'll understand why (it's about marketing). Nor should you take this blog post seriously. But let's play along. According to the article, morning people are those who take charge, make decisions, have energy, and as a consequence are described as proactive, optimistic, and conscientious. "Evening people," however, have the desirable traits of creativity, intelligence, humor and sociability.

If this is true, does it then follow that non-morning people tend to be lazy, pessimistic and careless? Does it follow that non-evening people are dull, average, and reclusive? Morning people are stereotypically described as a happy, outgoing, bubbly bunch. Night owls are similarly stereotyped as an unserious, partying posse. Indeed, when I was in college, a number of us got into just such a discussion about morning people vs. night owls. The debate lines were drawn, and to my surprise, I found myself taking an unexpected Third Way.

'Tis true! I am a unique composite with neither a morning nor evening predilection. I staked my position thusly: Bubbly, morning people should be popped. Party-hardy late night types should be forcibly relocated from the block on which I live. My mornings begin with a coffee mug firmly affixed to my hand, and my evenings filled with peace and quiet solitude (allowances made for close family and friends, sometimes). I'm up by 5:30, by 10 am I hit my stride, which carries strongly until about 2 or 3 pm, at which point I begin to long for the evening, hitting the bed no later than 10:30 if I can help it. Between those magical hours of 10 am and 2 pm, I am productive, optimistic, creative, and sometimes even sociable. I consider myself always intelligent, decisive, and conscientious regardless of the hour. So if I am neither a morning nor an evening person, then what am I?

Quite clearly, the most appropriate description is that I am a grouch. A grump. A right old Ebenezer Scrooge. Except of course, between the hours of 10 and 2. Then, I surmise that I am almost tolerable to other people.

It must thus be concluded that I am an amalgam, or perhaps an enigma, clearly suffering from some sort of gene mutation. If it is true that I am at my most pleasant, most productive, most creative and most optimistic during a genetically predisposed window of 10 am - 2pm, then I suggest you catch me during lunch. How about Mexican? You're buying.