In previous posts, I have spent a little time talking about a period of self-evaluation, with respect to ministry. The prologue introduced the four key questions: 1) What is your ministry?; 2) Where are you right now?; 3) Is it where you expected to be?; 4) Is it better/worse/different than before? Questions 1 and 2 were addressed here and here. Last time, I answered the third. Today, I will draw this personal, meandering thread to a close by attempting to respond to question four.
This question arguably requires a subjective comparison that is very much based in the moment. A year from now, I might have a completely different response than I do today. So, realizing that to compare yesterday to today is very much anchored in the circumstances of the moment, allow me to turn the calendar back some 17 years or so.
When I was in college, I was active in campus ministry. I taught Bible studies, served on mission teams, and provided leadership at times both in the spotlight and behind the scenes (my behind the scenes experiences were much more fulfilling). True, I was in school for my degree, but my life was wrapped up in the fellowship of the Wesley Foundation. For that period of my life, I was very much where God wanted me to be. And in that environment, I was being trained and equipped for what was to come.
Years later, I found myself active in a new church plant, and as part of that body, I labored in teaching, ministry and leadership as the church grew out of its rental storefront onto 28 acres and a new building. And although significantly different than a college campus ministry environment, with different challenges and joys, it was nevertheless the place where God wanted me to be. In that environment, I was further refined, trained and equipped for what was to come. Was this period of my life better, worse or different than the college environment? In a word, yes. In many ways, it was better, because it was new and it had purpose. It was worse, though, in that life after college requires a different set of priorities. By this I mean my schedule was largely determined by my job and the needs of my family. In college, my daily schedule was much more flexible to accommodate what I wanted to do. After college, that goes away. Understand, I'm not saying that employment and family made things worse - rather, I'm simply acknowledging a new set of priorities that often reduces our ability to be fully immersed in fellowship ministry to the same degree we were when we were younger. Because the reality is, life after college is different. The campus ministry is a unique environment for a unique time of life. The local church moves much more slowly (if it moves at all), and as the burdens of life accumulate, understandably some of the excitement wears off. But the joy comes in knowing that despite the transition into "grown-up" life (job, marriage, kids, mortgage, etc), I was where God wanted me to be.
Fast forward to the present. My church is nearly 3 years past a difficult transition, and today has a different chemistry than it did before. Having provided leadership during that critical time, I've since burned out and stepped away from active ministry. Yet I still attend, and I still care about the future of the local church. Is today better, worse or different than before? Again, the answer is yes. Perhaps this seems contradictory, and it may very well be so. But consider this: Life doesn't stand still. How we choose to respond to each set of changing circumstances and environments affects our ability to adapt to what next comes our way. I can look back on good times and bad, and see how God has used each to prepare me for what would come later. Sometimes things seem better, sometimes they seem worse; but they are almost always different - sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. What matters then, is how we respond to the moment. Do we seek God? Do we exemplify His grace and wisdom in those moments, so that we can fulfill our purpose in the place He calls us to be?
What is my ministry? To serve Christ, to grow in knowledge, and to speak the Truth. This occurs whether I am teaching, leading, or simply and quietly serving. Where am I right now? Recovering from burnout, and unsure of what lies ahead. Is this where I expected to be in my ministry? No, yet even this down time seems to have a specific purpose that will reveal benefits later. Where I am today is both better, worse and different than yesterday. Why? Because life is designed for growth, for new experiences and challenges, to an end: wisdom. No, not wisdom in my own eyes, but the kind of wisdom that God grants to those who have eyes to see.
Today, I "feel" stagnant in some ways, but I also sense a clarity I didn't have before. The battles I have fought for the cause of unity have worn me down, but the return to writing and reading has replenished me somewhat. Tomorrow's ministry may be different than yesterday's. And while there are some who wish me to return to the roles I've provided in the past, I suspect that God is going to take me in a new direction. To that end, I must rededicate myself to seeking first His Kingdom, and Him.
For that is where joy will be found.
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